


Confessions

by RainySteve



Category: The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Angst, spoilers for death cure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 01:53:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16714282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainySteve/pseuds/RainySteve
Summary: He swore he'd never tell Minho...





	Confessions

"Do it Tommy!" He can’t. He won’t. "Do it Thomas! If you were ever my friend just do it!" He can’t! Newt’s voice sounded so hoarse now he barely recognized it. Coal-like fumes seemed to escape his dark eyes, way past the Gone. "Kill me Thomas!"

He does.

  
Then he wakes up. It was a nightmare, but the scariest part was that he actually did it. He’d killed Newt.

Just as he always does he feels the scream he almost let out stuck in his throat, his shaking limbs not helping him keep it down. Somehow Newt’s scolding eyes as he pushed the gun to to his temple always seemed to shake him up even more than a Griever ever did. He didn’t know the Griever, he could kill and know it was right! the Griever wasn’t his friend; the Griever hadn’t saved him and he wasn’t his friend. Yet he killed him just as he did one of them. It even took less physical effort. All he had to do was pull the trigger.

Breathe Thomas. Kill me!! Just breathe. If you were ever my friend….. Breathe!

Once he presses his palms to his temples his breathing slows, his heartbeat isn’t as painfully quick. When he finally calms down, he’s covered in sweat and he knows he won’t go back to sleep. At least not tonight.

He decides to go on a morning jog even thought it’s probably around 3 AM. He throws some pants on and swiftly ties his shoelaces. When he finally gets to the clearing he takes off. He doesn’t like to stay too long in the clearing. It’s beautiful and it takes his breath away most days, but he always feels like that gray portal will pop back into existence and take him back to his old life, so he keeps moving, making his way to the beach.

He doesn’t really know where they are. None of them have tried to figure it out yet and he thinks that they don’t really want to know. As far as he can guess they’re in a far off place in Britain. He can’t tell where exactly, he doesn’t really try either.

All he thinks about as his feet hit the gravel is the cold air making it’s way into his lungs, the slow aching of his muscles. Soon he’s at the beach, and only then does he stop; not because he likes the view -which just so happens to be amazing- but because someone’s there. Minho.

"Thought I’d find your shuck face here," he greets in his usual condescending tone. "You’re always running off"

Thomas doesn’t say anything, Newt’s words again echoing in his mind. He hasn’t told him, he vowed never to do so, but now the words itch at his lips. Newt was his friend for much longer, he deserves to know what happened to him. “Yeah,” he manages. “Sorry”

"Don’t be! We’re Runners after all!" He pats his shoulder and Thomas can’t helps but flinch. "You okay Tommy?"  
  
Do it Tommy!

"Thomas?"

Just do it!

"Thomas!"

He finally snaps up to look at the look of concern Minho now wears. He’ll tell him. He can already feel bile creeping up, he’ll lose his friend. He can’t lose him but he also can’t live with the guilt of killing Newt and not telling Minho about it. He can’t be that selfish.

"I did it" He can’t keep his voice from shaking and can already feel the sting of tears. "I killed him Minho"

"What are you talking about?"

"Newt!"

His expression softens and he shakes his head. “You can’t blame yourself for what happened, Tommy” He really doesn’t know. “I know it’s hard and…..half the bloody time I blame myself too, but …there’s nothing we could’ve done”

Thomas gasps as tears finally spill. He could leave him like this. He can tell that he’s finally making peace with the idea of Newt being gone. Maybe he’s being selfish by not telling him.

"Hey," Minho’s tone sounds different. "You really have to get yourself together, shank…..he’s gone. He was Gone when we got there"

Thomas decides to show him since he can barley formulate a sentence. With shaking hands he pulls out the letter and shoves it down his nose. “What’s this?” He’s already opening it, drawn by curiosity. He can only watch as his eyes scan the words and when he finally sits down after reading they’re friends desperate wish.

"When did he give you this, Thomas?" His anger hits hit like a stone even thought he anticipated it. He splutters for a while then let’s a desperate yell."Why didn’t you do it??!!"

He pushes Thomas and he stumbles backwards. “I read it after we saw him in the Palace…I didn’t know” He can tell Minho is still upset but he stays silent, his hands clasped into wrists. He takes his chance. “That’s not all Minho”

His friend sharply turns, face red with frustration and regret. “What?” He almost growls.

"When I was driving towards WICKED…..there was a bunch of them but we dodged them and then….then we came across another group" He didn’t even have to say the name, he couldn’t. "And I saw him"

The look on Minho’s face is of pure shock.

"He’d entered the Gone but he wasn’t Gone completely….so I….I stopped….I couldn’t leave him" Thomas is crying by now, his voice unsteady with sobs. It’s like it’s happening all over again. The look his friend -the ones that’s breathing- gives him breaks something inside him. "I betrayed him. He told me to open it when the times was right and I should’ve known! ……he kept telling me to kill him…he was armed and…..before I knew it he was on top of me"

Minho was absolutely pale by now.

"He kept telling me to kill him and sounded so……it was like he was there but only for a few moments…..he kept telling me to kill him…."

Before he knows it, Minho’s fist collides with his jaw and he’s on the ground. His friends fingers wrap around his throat. “How could you???!!!”

"How could you???!!!"


End file.
